Reframing Leadership Consulting
Specializing in Leadership Development
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WHY CHALLENGING CAN BE CHALLENGING

6/24/2014

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Why Challenging Can Be Challenging

By Jake R. Goldblum B.A. and Todd Wysocki PhD.

As leaders, we are often posed with difficult decisions and circumstances; who to hire or fire, how to develop a positive work/team culture, when to take some time for ourselves, etc. However, one of the most challenging things, at times, can be challenging our co-workers, staff members or teammates. Seemingly simple enough, however, challenging takes timing, tact, and most importantly privilege. As leaders, we need to recognize when and how to effectively challenge as well as earn the right to challenge those around us. Challenging without the privilege can have negative consequences and put us in a worse situation. So, what can we do to ensure our challenges are as effective as possible?

  1. Do it at an appropriate time and in an appropriate setting. If staff members are using dysfunctional language or aren’t holding up their end of a bargain on a project, don’t “make an example of them” and “call them out” at a staff meeting. This may deter other staff members from the same behaviors in the short term, but in the long run you now have to worry about a staff that fears rather than respects you. Furthermore, a staff member may feel degraded, insulted, and humiliated. The “tough love approach” can be effective in some instances, but ultimately people in general want to be respected and feel respected.
  2. Be careful of the tone and language you use when confronting the situation. It’s fairly common, as leaders, to get frustrated in our roles. People don’t always do what we ask, or follow through or maybe even hurt the team dynamic. However, when confronting these typically frustrating situations, you may want to remember to take some deep breathes and keep your cool. Often times, people aren’t being difficult intentionally. Would you want to be screamed at or belittled because you’re a little behind on some work due to personal issues? Of course not. So, when these conversations arise, ask questions about unmet obligations or other extenuating circumstances. Ask what you can do to help the individual. And most of all, keep a respectful tone and language. We all want to grow but such growth often comes with the help of a caring supervisor or teammate.
  3. Finally, earn the right to have these conversations in the first place. Simply being a supervisor or a teammate doesn’t give you the right to challenge them. People’s first response to criticism, even in some of the healthiest of environments, is often defensive. Nobody likes to hear what they are doing wrong. So, how do you earn the right? Simple. Develop a strong relationship with the people you work with, at least in a working sense. You’re not going to be, nor should you be, everyone’s best friend. However, the stronger the relationships you have with the people you interact with, the more opportunities you have to make an impact when challenging them. If a stranger or an acquaintance of yours came to you and criticized the way you were going about your job, you would most likely shutdown and become defensive. We are more likely to be concerned about disappointing people who we respect and value.
Challenging people doesn’t have to result in awkward relationships. It can, and should be, an opportunity for growth. The key is to make sure you have all the right ingredients for an effective challenge before you make any rash decisions. It can be frustrating and difficult to bite your tongue at the moment. However, in the long run, you may be saving yourself from issues that may arise in the future. In doing so, you are fostering a culture of respect and honesty rooted in caring. Growth and change occurs in the context of a respectful relationship. With mutual respect, challenging others becomes less of a challenge and more of a dynamic, evolving relationship – one which enables understanding and positive change.  



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"CARING: IT'S NOT ABOUT WHAT'S CONVENIENT"

6/24/2014

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Caring transcends convenience.

By Todd M. Wysocki, Ph.D. & Jake R. Goldblum, B.A.

Showing another that you care ultimately is not about you, it’s about the other person.  Caring is not about what’s convenient for you; it’s about being present in the moment – present when the need is real and when evident in the future. While caring is a quality envious of all regardless of role, it is invaluable to the ideology of leaders and mentors.  Effective leaders care about the organization, the cause and the members.  Effective mentors care about their mentees. In doing so, they make themselves accessible to others.

Accessible leadership and mentorship is based on three principles – connect, care and change.  Leaders and mentors become accessible when they connect with others, demonstrate caring, and influence change in others.  While separate qualities, they are in essence interdependent.  While all three qualities are important and necessary, the core of accessibility is built on the idea of being present and genuinely caring about the welfare and future of others. 

The term caring is one that is thrown around frequently. It is a simple yet powerful idea.  However, what is caring?  How do you show you care?  Caring can be defined as “feeling and exhibiting concern and empathy for others.”  Saying I care is easy but showing it is a completely different story.  A prerequisite is an understanding of the power of genuine concern.  Never underestimate how your interest and concern can have a significant impact on others.  Of course, perception is important.  Actions speak louder than words.  Through actions, others then recognize your concern. This completes the cycle.

There is no magic formula here, but it is not complicated either. You may be reading this thinking “easier said than done”.  While there is some truth to this since it is contingent upon your actions and subsequent recognition by the target of your concern, it is actually pretty straightforward. We care when we are compassionate, genuine, empathetic and non judgmental.  These ideas are fundamental to most definitions and honestly make sense.  However, caring transcends these ideas because there is no schedule in showing that you care.  Caring is “being present”.  Being present even when it is not convenient, not a good time, and not congruent with your schedule.   

It’s about taking time for others, making time, going the extra mile, being active in your interactions, actively engaging, and reaching out.  These simple ideas can be applied across settings.  In higher education, it can take many forms: staying after class to talk, replying quickly and thoughtfully to emails and messages, meeting beyond office hours, walking together in between classes, extending an invitation to talk, or actually arrange a time to meet.  Sometimes it is the unexpected that is most salient.  Randomly and without provocation reaching out to someone to touch base, offer support, or just to let them know you are there if needed. Regardless of the setting and context, simple words of encouragement can have a real impact.  Your words become actions, and actions are undeniable. Others then see you do actually care.

You become more than just the leader, the mentor, the teacher, the administrator – you become real, a real person who also cares and is genuinely compassionate.  Simple yes, cliché maybe, but powerful – without question. 

Knowing someone genuinely cares about you and your welfare is indeed powerful.  When we are present and real, that level of concern becomes evident. And yes, that can make a difference.

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WE CAN'T REFILL ON TIME

6/21/2014

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We Can’t Refill on Time

By Jake R. Goldblum B.A. & Todd Wysocki Ph.D

Whether it be an intimate relationship, a friendship, a mentorship or just an acquaintanceship; the people in our lives help us get through things we couldn’t alone and make the good times even better. It is these people who are there for us during the good and the bad. At some point, many of us have gone through a difficult situation, and a friend was there to get us through it, staying with us, commiserating and listening. On the flip side, some of our very best memories come from the time spent with a significant other, traveling together or just hanging out talking or watching TV shows. Mentors, (i.e., teachers, professors, supervisors, friends, siblings, etc.) are there for us unconditionally and often act much akin to friends, yet they typically offer slightly more objective and experience based advice. Then, there are our acquaintances. These are the people we see every day. We say “hi” to them or simply give a knowing nod. However, these people seem to be everywhere we are. Although maybe at times a little disconcerting, there can be comfort in seeing other people living out their lives around us much like we are.

 No matter who, people can make life better for us, often times without even realizing it. Remember we too are the lover, the friend, the mentor, and the random person that seems to just pop up everywhere! This can be seemingly overwhelming at times, but ultimately I believe these relationships are what give life meaning. All the achievements and accolades mean nothing if we have to celebrate them alone. I know I do my best to thank the people in my life as often as possible, because I know how hard it can be to stick around for the good AND the bad. So, let’s make life easier on us all and let’s start appreciating these relationships in the moment, but give yourself a pat on the back too. You probably have no idea the impact you’ve had on the lives of others. Keep that in mind the next time you think about ignoring the phone call or text message, getting upset about your partner’s movie choice, or yelling at the worker at Dunkin’ Donuts because it is taking too long. Life is cool, let’s enjoy it together.

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    "In an effort to engage, enlighten and empower leaders everywhere, Reframing Leadership Consulting offers perspective on many key issues. We do not hope, or claim to, solve these issues; however we hope to lend a new lens through which to view and assess these issues, in an effort to resolve them." 

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