"It's Okay not to be Okay: Thoughts from a Survivor"


                                                                              By         
                                                                Jake R. Goldblum, M.S.Ed.

Warning: Discussion of physical/sexual abuse.

“I’m strong, powerful, and successful.” At least that’s what I tell myself time and time again in order to hide the fact that I really feel weak, powerless, and like a complete failure most of the time. Far too often we (I) put on facades and attempt to be what we are expected to be, in hopes that others buy that image. Many times we push back the tears and fight the pain from bubbling up to the surface because we are told that it isn’t okay for us to feel that way. Well, I’m here to say: it’s okay to not be okay.

I believe that we avoid the issue of trauma history in our personal lives, work places, and communities in a particularly unhelpful attempt to show that the things that have happened to us and others in the past doesn’t currently reflect in who we are. And in some it may not. Overall trauma is stigmatized as scary, dysfunctional, and generally taboo, but far too often do we see trauma manifest itself in behaviors that further hurt ourselves or the ones closest to us when we attempt to repress it.

I was physically and sexually abused as a child and I have absolutely been deeply affected by these experiences in my life as an adult. Not a day goes by when I don’t yearn for wholeness, or wish for normalcy. I’ve spent most of my life wondering what I did to deserve what happened to me and making excuses for the ones who did it. Before I sought help, I turned to further abusing myself and hurting those around me in an attempt to regain control in my life.

And I’m tired. I’m tired of running from the past. I’m tired of making excuses for others. I’m tired of perpetuating this cycle of hurt. I’m tired of not allowing myself to be vulnerable and to not fully love others the way they, and I, deserve to be loved. I’m tired of pretending I’m okay when I’m not.
The point of this post is to share my experiences with the hope that myself and others can begin to allow ourselves to just not be okay. Of course we need to seek help and support when we need it, but most importantly, I believe we need to allow ourselves as much time as we need to not be okay. This doesn’t mean we stop doing our work and stop helping others. On the contrary, it means we begin to help others in a more profound and meaningful way, because we have given ourselves the right to heal from the inside out. This will, hopefully, help us show others how to do the same on their own terms.

                                                

Jake R. Goldblum
The issue of hyper-masculinity in college men is well documented. So, I’ll spare some space by telling you that it’s a problem up front. Instead, I would like to highlight some of the nuanced aspects of what I will call “masculine culture” in college settings. In particular, I think it’s important to identify the “why” these things manifest, and the “how” to engage these conversations from my perspective.
Bro Ties
We understand that male relationships, friendships that is, are often complicated in their simplicity. Typically, these relationships have the same general characteristics regardless of where they are taking place (in the United States at least). Often, the relationships lack emotional depth, revolve around “masculine” activities, and possess some level of mutual degradation. But why? Here are some conclusions I have made which have been informed by my experiences and research.
Striving for Status: Evolutionary psychology suggests that striving for high(er) social status is a process that has been embedded in our DNA. Status is often explained as a finite resource and the more someone else has, in this case another male, the less that is available for others. I think it’s plain to see how this tends to play out in our male groups. This view of status as a resource that has a limit, results in competition, which is the next piece of the bro tie puzzle.
Competing for…Everything: If status is a finite resource, then clearly there must be competition for what’s left of it, in a society that gives some a leg up over others at birth based on unearned privileges (a conversation for another time). These competitions tend to manifest in countless ways, but some more subtle but potent competitions are competing for high status friends (fraternity/group involvement), competing for better appearance physical and otherwise, and competing for sexual partners. All of these competitions have their own sets of issues and lead to our last piece of the puzzle: comparison.
Literal Pissing Contests: Anyone who thinks the old adage “pissing contest” is not about literal pissing contests clearly hasn’t spent much time in fraternity houses. Men are constantly competing and comparing everything and anything. Comparison is the only way to know if you’ve gained, or lost status day-to-day or week-to-week. Within groups of male friends, these comparisons often come while recapping a long night out where they may discuss how much they drank, who they slept with, or who did or did not throw up (all status symbols). As we can see, this will only reinforce the desire for more status and begins the cycle again!
But what can we do about it? Working against evolution isn’t the easiest thing we’ve done. But I think it’s easier than we think.
Bow Ties
If you know me, it’s likely you know that I wear bow ties more than long ties. Initially, this started as my own status symbol, but eventually turned into something more. Any time I’ve been wearing a bow tie at a conference with young, undergraduate men, I’ve had a group of at least four or five, run up to me after a presentation and say something along the lines of “cool bow tie!” Every time. So, I started to think about this and what it meant. In reality, it is my way into these conversations with students I know or those I’ve just met.
The bow tie, in their minds, gave me status and therefore credibility as a “man.” Dysfunctional though it is, it gave me the opportunity to flip the striving for status narrative. Now, I began to use my status symbol(s) as a facilitator of these conversations. I began to be able to model for young men that high social status can mean something different than being a “man’s man.”
These conversations became about “high status” men being educated, thoughtful leaders who made a difference in their community. But also, these “high status” men weren’t judgmental of other men’s ways of being. Though they don’t condone asocial behaviors, they understand that patience and collaboration is needed in the reeducation of young men. What they need, rather than a lecture or a punishment (barring gross criminal offenses of course), is a mentor or an ally. A person who can likely be the first positive male role model they have had in their lives to that point. A person they can admire for how they treat people well, not for how they demean others.
I know what I have written here isn’t groundbreaking or complicated, and that’s the point. I don’t believe it needs to be in order to make a difference. What we really need are men who are willing to find their “bow ties” and jump into these conversations about flipping the script. In order for others to do better, we need to first be better and show them the way. Eighteen years of indoctrination and hundreds of thousands of years is hard to change immediately, but it starts by finding that bow tie into the conversation.

Todd M. Wysocki, Ph.D.

Your best friend – most of us have that person in our life, that “go to person” we count on for support and companionship. Most often, we think of a childhood friend who has been there through all the ups and downs, the college roommate or classmate and the bond that seemed instantaneous, or the trusted colleague at work. The friend is a contemporary, often someone with common interests and naturally similar in age. In most instances, you don’t see best friends who come from different generations. However, friendship can transcend age. We are only limited by the self-imposed parameters we set. Connecting with another is more about personal qualities and personality rather than commonality of age graded experiences.

There is quite a spread in age between my male best friend and me. I guess this is somewhat of an understatement considering that we come from very different generations – the baby boom and millennial generations collide. This collision, however, while unexpected, has resulted in a real and undeniable connection – a friendship that transcends boundaries and years. In our case, 26 years. Is it possible that a 50 year old and 24 year old could be best friends? While unlikely, it is not only possible but is a reality – we are proof of that.
Our story is as unique as is our relationship. As a professor at a college in upstate New York, I have had the opportunity to interact with and teach thousands of students over the years. During this time, I have developed friendships with many students. While I strive to connect with all my students, it is rare to make a lastly and truly meaningful connection that transcends the teacher-student relationship. This, however, is the case with the student who became a best friend. What began as a typical teacher-student relationship evolved into a mentoring relationship and has grown into a unique and meaningful friendship.

It was the first day of classes at the start of the Spring semester in 2011. After going over the class syllabus and finishing class, a student came up to me to introduce himself. He was polite, mature and seemed genuine. At the time, I didn’t think twice about it other than being initially impressed by his initiative. What I didn’t realize at that time was this first meeting would evolve into something special. Fast forward five years to today, and I am proud to call this former student my best male friend. The saying you never know is very real.

While many students do not make the effort or feel comfortable moving beyond the teacher-student relationship, he took it upon himself to connect with me and initiate ongoing discussions on course material as well as issues and activities outside of class. I, of course, reciprocated and our interactions became more frequent and more substantive. Looking back, it is fair to say we connected immediately. Through that first semester, I assumed a mentoring role. After the semester, he left the college and transferred to a four-year college. The mentoring role continued but took a more personal role – one that led to an undeniable friendship. Throughout the next four years, our relationship thrived and expanded through frequent emails, text messages, phone calls and meeting up in person whenever possible.

Our relationship took another step as we collaborated and founded a business venture called Reframing Leadership Consulting, a firm providing speaking and facilitation services on leadership and mentorship in higher education. Fittingly, our focus is on mentoring – where it started for us. And my once protégé is now a mentor for others, and in some ways a mentor to me. In spite of the roles that defined our relationship in class and the age difference, we continue to learn from each other and grow. We are both different people today because of this. The influence is very real and certainly bi-directional. You know the friendship is real when you are there for one another through it all, regardless of location and time.

Understandably, others have a difficult time understanding our relationship and friendship. I am a happily married man with two teenage girls, and he is finishing graduate school and looking to begin a profession in higher education. We are, very much, in different places, yet very similar in many ways. It is highly unusual and incredibly unique. It is hard to attach a label to our relationship as it has so many layers and roles. Those close to us have come to see how important it is for each of us, even if it transcends traditional notions of friendship. This acceptance makes it even more meaningful.
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I proudly embrace the title “old man” as I am often called. I reciprocate with referring to him as “punk”. The punk did actually earn an A in my class, in case you were wondering. The old man and the punk – we are indeed an unlikely pair and have an unlikely friendship. Yet, it is very real and very special in spite of the slight 26 year age difference. Friendship can transcend age. It really can. It has for us.

John Liporace
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A few months ago, I partnered with a long-time friend from high school (Dr. Todd Wysocki) and the superintendent of our school district (Ken Facin) to launch a new mentoring program.  We think it will be a game-changer for students from our old district, which has an alarmingly low college completion rate of less than 40%.  Now, 25 students are about to begin their college careers with one more lifeline than they would have had.
As the students prepare for one of life’s biggest transitions, here is some parting advice built on 25 years in business, 10 years mentoring high school students, and one great book called The Slight Edge (by Jeff Olson).  The high school students I’ve been fortunate enough to mentor probably aren’t much different than most students.  They recognize that attending college is one of life’s few events with the potential to change the course of their lives.  They’re just not sure what it takes to ensure it will change for the better.  Olson’s advice, which I have definitely benefitted from for many years, is that what it takes to be successful is nothing major at all.  In fact, it’s kind of boring.
The difference between success and failure is so hard to see that most people miss it.  Successful people understand that the little choices they make each day may not make any difference at all over the course of a week or even a month.  But, when you add them up over a year or a decade or a lifetime, they make the difference between being a superstar and being average at best.
It’s the power of the compound effect.  Little gains each day become massive over time.  The easiest place to see this is in finance. But, I don’t love finance so let’s look at a sports example.  Do you know what the difference is between a highly compensated, star player batting .300 and a .260 hitter making an average salary?  It’s less than one hit a week over the course of a season!
The time is now to start getting one more hit a week.  You have a clean slate heading into college.  It’s all about starting – and continuing – little habits each day that will pay off over time.  Spend 30 minutes every Sunday planning ahead for how you’ll complete your work that week.  Ask someone you trust to review your work before you turn it in. Find an inspirational book and read 10 pages every night.  Whatever works for you, find your slight edge and do it like you’re getting paid for it.
If you think this seems too easy to be the key to success, think about how easy it would be not to do these things.  To push them off until tomorrow – so many times that tomorrow becomes the rest of your life.  We’ve all heard the phrase “go the extra mile.”  It’s not even a mile that you need.  It’s just a few inches.  You just need to do it consistently and when no one is looking.  It might be boring now, but when it makes you a .300 hitter, life will be anything but boring.

Todd M. Wysocki, Ph.D.

Flying in a plane is more dangerous than riding in a car.  Getting robbed walking the streets of New York City is commonplace.  Myth or reality?
Both are myths. 
So, why do many people ascribed to these notions?  The answer is pretty straightforward.  This is what we often hear and thus believe.  In the field of cognitive psychology, it is referred to as an “availability heuristic” – it is what is most available in our consciousness.  However, it is an error in judgment.  We tend to be influenced by what is most talked about and reported in the media. If there is an airplane accident, it makes national news.  We tend to see reports of muggings and violent crime. The media does not report every car crash or the millions of people walking in New York City without incident.  While an error in judgment, it is often the perception.  Perception is not always congruent with reality.  However, perception is real for the person.
So, how does this begin to relate to Greek Life in higher education?
The perception of Fraternity and Sorority Life by the general population (that it, those not intimately familiar with it) is influenced by many sources – and sources that may not accurately reflect the realities of this cultural institution.  Mainstream media, movies and television, social media and socialized views all contribute to a perception that is more often negative than positive.  Movies like the classic, “Animal House”, and more recent “Neighbors” starring Zac Efron, paint a sensationalized and negative view of the debauchery of fraternity life.  The television show, “Blue Mountain State”, reinforced the negativity associated with fraternities on college campuses.  While admittedly these represent exaggerated versions for the purpose of entertainment, the negative themes often depicted are instilled in our psyche on some level.  Greek Life has historically been a subject of mainstream media throughout the years.  However, the spotlight has most often focused on the problems – hazing, binge drinking, and sexual assault.  Sexual assault on college campuses has been a mainstay on social media in the past few years and is increasingly problematic.  More often than not, the target is Greek Life and fraternities in particular.
Consequently, these ideas and views perpetuated and reinforced on many levels have collectively shaped the public’s view of Fraternity and Sorority Life and with a dramatic shift to negative perceptions.  Does this perception reflect the reality?  Maybe at some level, but it certainly does not depict all the realities nor paint a complete and accurate picture of Greek Life as a whole.  We are regularly exposed to what is wrong and not what is right.
Whose fault is this?  Playing the blame game is easy; however it doesn’t begin to address the problem.  The Greek community cannot control the media but can influence opinion.  To begin to shape public opinion, efforts to educate and promote the many positives of Greek Life need to be deliberate, effortful and persistent. The challenge is real and is the responsibility of national organizations, Fraternity and Sorority Life offices and individual chapters.  No one else will champion the cause.
My eldest daughter will be a freshman in college next year.  If my daughter asked for permission to join a sorority, my answer today would be very different from years ago.  Five years ago, my response would have been a vehement “no”.  Today, I would fully support the idea and have even encouraged her to explore it as an option.
So, what has changed?  Greek Life has not dramatically changed in five years, but my perception has evolved.  My view of fraternities and sororities has changed significantly because today I am informed.  During this time period, I have had firsthand experience with college men and women involved in Greek Life at the State University of New York College at Plattsburgh.  My nephew joined Tau Kappa Epsilon, and I had the pleasure of attending their chapter’s induction.  My former student and now close friend joined Sigma Tau Gamma, and I have had the pleasure of becoming acquainted with and friends with many of the brothers as well as several women in sororities on campus.  More importantly, I have seen the many positive aspects of brotherhood and sisterhood through their experiences.  I am continually impressed with the commitment to community service and philanthropy that is embedded in Greek Life; and arguably unmatched by any other campus organization.  This is often unnoticed by most of the population.
There are so many positive aspects associated with Fraternity and Sorority Life. Many, many people do not see this and solely focus on the negative.  My perception is now more congruent with reality.  However, that wasn’t always the case. Fortunately, experience and exposure has informed me rather than the influence of mainstream perceptions and media reports.
I like to think that I am a well-educated and informed man.  I am a college professor with a Ph.D. in Psychology and have been part of higher education for many years.  I keep abreast of trends, news and research to maintain a connection with my students.  However, my prior exposure to Greek Life was minimal seeing that fraternities and sororities currently do not exist on my campus and didn’t exist at the colleges I attended.  I never had the opportunity to be part of a fraternity.  Thus, my opinions were shaped by outside influences.  This lack of exposure is typical of most of the population. Thus, the task of informing opinion and changing perceptions is daunting.  It is naïve to think that this common perception is indicative of those who lack formal higher education.  It is reflected in a population not intimately exposed to Greek Life – and that is a lot of people.  It is not about people being undereducated, rather a population ill-informed and influenced by socialized ideology.  The problem lies with the message rather than the recipients.
Thus, the challenge is in the message.  Constituents in Greek Life need to take an active role in influencing the message – promoting and publicizing all the positives.  This should occur at both a macro and micro level.  Organizing broad campaigns to convey the message is a necessary first step.  In addition, there is real power in influencing one person at a time who in turn becomes an agent of change for others.  Large scale initiatives to promote the positive elements in concert with individual members being proactive in shaping opinion one person at a time seems like a good place to start.  That alone is not enough.  Of course, there are issues and problems that do exist in individual chapters and organizations as a whole, such as binge drinking, sexual assault, and hazing.  When this exists, this is what the public hears about.  Address whatever issues that are evident, fix the problem, and promote the positive.
When this begins to happen, public perception may start to match all the realities of Greek Life.  It happened for this veteran of the higher education system.  It certainly can happen for others. If I could go back in time and the opportunity presented itself, I would without hesitation pledge a fraternity knowing what I now know.
From what I understand, there is a long lineage of pride and steadfast dedication to the Greek system.  Share your pride, fix the problems, influence the message, and promote the positive.
Who knows, the once ill-informed parent of a potential pledge may become a staunch advocate and supporter and begin to influence the opinion of others.

Reframing Leadership Consulting

Happy Fourth of July to all of our followers, supporters and all those who encourage us to be our best. Reframing Leadership could not be where it is today without your unwavering support.

So, in typical RLC fashion, we want to send a short reminder to everyone that, though today is about having good times and making memories with those you care about, it is most important to ensure the safety of yourself and those around you.

It easy to loose sight of the things in life that truly matter when you are in the midst of celebration. All we ask on days like today, is that, every now and again, you take a step back to make sure everything is under control. A true celebration of our countries independence would be in making sure that those around you are safe and well taken care of. At the end of the day, we are where we are are today because those who fought for our country came together as a unit and took care of one another. 

Looking at this from a personal standpoint, today is a day to not only celebrate our countries independence, but also a day to celebrate your life and the unit of people that you have accepted in to your circle; these people who help you through times of adversity, who will always be there to help you reach your goals and who you will always help in reaching their goals. Everyone can get to a certain point on their own but without the support of others to fix your mistakes and challenge you, it would be difficult to become the person you aspire to be.

So, as we said before, have an enjoyable holiday but make sure to take a moment to ensure that these people who you've let in to your life are safe, happy and healthy - because where would you be without them?

We hope you all have a happy and safe Fourth of July!

Jake R. Goldblum

Student leadership is something that institutions around the world aim to achieve. They hope to facilitate the growth of young leaders from their initial orientation sessions to emerging leader programs all the way to alumni networking opportunities. These are all fantastic, well-intentioned initiatives; yet we still seem to be falling short in one particular area: male engagement. We pump millions of dollars annually into these systemic programs, yet male engagement in leadership activities seem to be dropping. But why? 

I believe to answer this question appropriately we need to take a closer look at two core issues that may be hindering the success of these initiatives. The first is what does it mean to be a young man? The second is what does it mean to be a young man in college? The answers to these often over-looked questions may be the opportunity for us to reframe our approach at male engagement. First and foremost, of course, there is no definitive answer to either of these questions. What is offered here is an experiential and perspective based approach to these answers. With that said, I would say that currently, being a man means struggling with dysfunction and misunderstood privilege. Being a man opens so many doors, but without any idea which to walk through, the results are disastrous. Men are often offered a great deal in the way of opportunities and power, but a vacuum of understanding will surely result in misuse and abuse.

For instance, men are often socialized into dysfunctional and unhealthy expressions of emotion. With a limited repertoire of emotion, men tend to emote in ways that are harmful to themselves and others. Positive coping is also role modeled poorly more often than not, resulting in continuously negative results in a cycle of negative emotional expression and negative emotional coping. The results, as we know, can often lead to substance abuse, violence, and even suicide. To think these emotional motifs abate in the college years is naïve. In fact, they are often times exacerbated. Young men who don’t understand their privilege – who are given status in a community – will inevitably default into problematic behaviors, which may become problematic lifestyles. If being a man means struggling with dysfunction, being a man in college may mean succumbing to dysfunction. To many, being a man in college isn’t about being a leader or positively affecting your community, rather it is about attempting to find where you fit on the totem pole of life through the aforementioned misunderstood privilege. It’s easier to have parties, and get drunk than it is to spend time building a positive community or shaping new leaders. Because that’s what they are taught.

We, other men, act as the gatekeepers of masculinity rather than the facilitators of manhood. We influence, encourage, and indoctrinate with our language, actions and ambivalence. Since we are the ones who perpetuate the cycle, we must be the ones to CHOOSE to break it.

So, easier said than done right? What do we do then? A few suggestions are as follows:

1. Get men involved. Let’s be real, men are the biggest influences of what it means to be a man to other men.
2. Be vulnerable. It’s not easy to open up to new people, but how is someone supposed to trust you if they aren’t allowed passed the surface in their relationship with you. They need to get to know YOU. Which may mean you need to get to know you.
3. Again, this is easy to fake, but real caring relationships involve really getting to know the other person and investing in them. Investing your time is the most valuable thing you can do and also the most powerful, because that tells someone “You matter.”
4. These relationships should be bi-directional. A trusting relationship that leads to results includes a feeling of mutual respect and trust. This is hard to accomplish when you are seen as the “teacher.” I like to look at it more as I am the passenger in the car giving occasional directions while they are the driver.
5. Don’t be a stereotype. Remember you, and those you work with are people. You are real people with real stories and real feelings. Don’t let anyone tell you how you need to be, and most certainly don’t default because it seems “easier.”

This all may seem easy or very difficult depending on your personal experiences. This process may require you to do some self-exploration and to figure out who you are (much like I am currently) and where you stand and what your values are. But in all, as mentioned before this is a process and we can’t do it alone. But we can certainly start a movement with a few well placed conversations which may become life altering relationships.

Dr. Todd M. Wysocki

Are you happy with what you see when you look in the mirror?  Is your physical appearance and your body especially important to you? These are questions that have plagued women over the years and in some instances have been all consuming.  While many see this as primarily an issue for women, the reality is that men struggle with these questions and struggle with body image.  In some cases, this struggle manifests in obsessive behaviors and thinking as well as negative affect.  Self-esteem can often be tied to body image.  Poor body image can equate to self-esteem problems for men.  This is often more evident among college men where the climate of attraction and sexualized behavior is magnified.  Given limited research on the topic of body image and men, an original study was conducted to examine the extent of the problem among college men.  The results, which will be discussed later, suggest that issues surrounding body image are more prevalent in men than previously reported.

Often, there is incongruence with perceived self and ideal self in general.  This is also evident with body image.  Men tend to see themselves differently than others see them.  Body satisfaction, in turn, often is skewed to the negative end of the spectrum.  Would others rate you differently on a scale of 1 – 10 than you would rate yourself?  In most cases, the answer is yes.  Research shows that on average men rate themselves one point lower compared to the ratings of others.  This suggests we are our own worst critic.  Many men under-evaluate their physique and see it as less than ideal.  Some may see perceived flaws and weaknesses that are only evident in their eyes.  Arguably, this may stem from a variety of factors – one in particular being the ideal of the perfect male body perpetuated in our society and the media.

“The Perfect Male Body”

The perfect body for a male is a body that you feel good about and increases your self-esteem.  It also has the advantage of being healthy, has functional strength, attracts and impresses other, and has enhanced muscularity and low body fat.  Men want to be lean and muscular, not thin.  The ideal Western male body (as desired by most college men) is:
·         V-Shaped torso and 6-pack
·         Broad shoulders and narrow waist
·         Well developed, visible muscularity, especially in the upper body (chest, arms, and shoulders)
·         Big biceps are especially important

Men pursue a muscular ideal, not a thin ideal.  All of which fall in line with a view of the perfect male body.  However, perfection is an ideal.  It is not realistic.

Research shows that men have become increasingly dissatisfied with their perceived body image. Typically, the focus of research has been on women.  Recently, the literature suggests that body dissatisfaction among men is increasing, particularly with young and college age men.  Ultimately, the goal most often is to gain muscle.  A study found college men who identified with stereotyped gender roles had higher levels of body dissatisfaction (Borchert & Hienberg, 2005).  As a result, body image concerns in men are increasingly common.  Men typically aspire to the lean, muscular ideal with the ideal body type being a mesomorph.  Men typically focus on upper body muscularity.  The highest percentage of dissatisfaction is with abdominals and chest.  Prior research has shown that 43% of men reported body dissatisfaction. Today, the number has increased to over 50%.  This is often marked by discrepancies between perceived and ideal body shape and can be problematic in many ways.  There can be negative consequences associated with dissatisfaction and can include: excessive exercise, eating pathology, steroid use, depression, anxiety and low self-esteem.  Self-esteem is often associated with body appearance.  Muscularity increases self-esteem where as a lack of muscularity can contribute to lower self-esteem.

Obviously, body image is not an issue for all college men.  Many men have a healthy image and a well-shaped self-concept.  When issues are evident, it often relates to self-concept. Self-concept is the image that we have of ourselves.  It is a collection of beliefs about one's own nature, unique qualities, and typical behavior.  Self-concept is one’s mental picture of yourself. It is a collection of self-perceptions (Weiten, Dunn, & Hammer, 2012).  Bracken (1992) suggested that there are six specific domains related to self-concept:

• Social - the ability to interact with others
• Competence - ability to meet basic needs
• Affect - awareness of emotional states
• Physical - feelings about looks, health, physical condition, and overall appearance
• Academic - success or failure in school
• Family - how well one functions within the family unit

The physical component of self-concept is body image.  It is a subjective picture of one's own physical appearance established both by self-observation and by noting the reactions of others.  Body image is how you see yourself when you look in the mirror or when you picture yourself in your mind.  It encompasses: 

-         What you believe about your own appearance (including your memories, assumptions, and generalizations).
·         How you feel about your body, including your height, shape, and weight.
·         How you sense and control your body as you move.  How you feel in your body, not just about your body. 

When the most salient part of one’s self-concept is body image, it can become particularly maladaptive.  These are the men who define themselves based on their body and physical appearance.  It becomes the overriding aspect of self-concept and thus, self-worth.  Self-esteem is directly linked to their physique and their goal of attaining the perfect body.  Perfection is not possible.  Hence, self-concept and subsequent self-esteem becomes problematic.  Regardless of gains in muscularity, some level of body dissatisfaction always remains.  There is always someone bigger and in better shape.  While others may note exceptional physical qualities, they are not evident to the person – always seeing what is lacking and perceived imperfections.  Hence, a distorted image emerges – one that is more negative than positive.

Negative Body Image is a distorted perception of one’s shape – individuals perceive parts of their body unlike they really are.  As a result, they are convinced that only other people are attractive and that their body size or shape is a sign of personal failure.  They may feel ashamed, self-conscious, and an anxious about their body.  Inevitably, they feel uncomfortable and awkward in their body.

Research indicates that men experience pressure from a range of factors to achieve a muscular ideal.  Exposure to these influences may be linked to negative body image (self-perception and low self-esteem).  Over the years, there has been a significant increase in the visibility of male bodies in the media.  Appearance ideals have become increasingly more muscular and lean as reflected in both mainstream and male oriented media – magazines, fitness magazines, athletes, television, and film.  For example, there is a marked difference in muscularity between the batman character on television years ago and today’s overly muscular depiction of batman in films.  This is just one of many examples.  Men are more often than not represented in the media in a muscular ideal.  It is not just the media; this is also evident in action figures. G.I. Joe has seen a dramatic growth in muscularity over the years (exceeding the muscularity of bodybuilders).  In 1973, G.I. Joe had a 32 inch waist, 44 inch chest and 12 inch biceps.  Today, G.I. Joe has a 36 inch waist, 55 inch chest, 27 inch biceps, and excessive muscle definition.  Not even Arnold Schwarzenegger can complete with that.  Collectively, these influences are evident at the macro level.

While the media and action figures might be the most visible factors, there are other micro influences that are just as powerful and more intimate – family and peers.  Parental expectations and pressures to excel in physical pursuits may be evident as well as peer acceptance and peer pressure to achieve a physical ideal.  The models in one’s life can shape one’s sense of self and an idealistic physical image.  The message can be overt or subtle.  However, there is nothing subtle about hearing messages like, “you are skinny, you need to eat more, you need to bulk up and add some muscle”.  Saying you are skinny to a boy or young man can be as hurtful to the psyche as saying you are overweight to a girl.  The belief that one is skinny, small, weak or puny can be internalized and ingrained in one’s mindset.  Consequently, no matter what the end result, he always sees himself as the skinny kid and less than masculine.  This notion contradicts the socialization that accompanies gender roles.  Men are often socialized to appear masculine and attractive.  The drive for muscularity is embedded in masculine social norms.  Physical bulk, particularly muscle, implies strength and dominance, both of which are consistent with male gender roles. When men think they do not live up to this standard, their self-esteem correlates with perceived body dissatisfaction.

While body image concerns may have an impact on one’s life, it is only when the pursuit of perfection becomes an obsessive and overriding aspect of one’s life that it constitutes a psychological disorder.  In these instances, it may meet the diagnostic criteria of Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) as outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Illness (DSM-V).  BDD is a psychological disorder, which involves a disturbed body image.  It is generally associated with those who are extremely critical of their physique or self-image, despite the fact there may be no noticeable disfigurement or defect.  It involves repetitive behaviors or mental acts in response to preoccupations with perceived defects or flaws in physical appearance.  Furthermore, it can include a muscle dysmorphia ”specifier”.  Muscle dysmorphia (also known as "bigorexia" or "reverse anorexia nervosa") is a disorder that is characterized by a fear of being too small, and perceiving oneself as small and weak even when one is actually large and muscular.  Muscle dysmorphia is a very specific type of body dysmorphic disorder. In this disorder, a person is preoccupied with thoughts concerning appearance, especially musculature.

Muscle Dysmorphia is characterized by an obsession with attaining an unrealistic cultural standard of muscularity.  Men become obsessed with the size of their muscles and have excessive concerns about appearing physically weak or underdeveloped.  These men have an excessive preoccupation with their muscle size and experience great distress over these concerns (including depression and anxiety).  Consequently, these men go to great lengths to avoid situations in which there body is exposed.  These multiple characteristics were assessed in our study – the Wysocki – Goldblum Assessment of Male Body Image.

From a sample of 215 college men responding to a questionnaire designed for the study, 5 percent met the criteria for Muscle Dysmorphia.  Another 15% of the sample appeared to demonstrate significant concern with body image to the point where it can be deemed as maladaptive.  While this cohort did not meet the criteria for a diagnosis of Muscle Dysmorphia, there is evidence to suggest the need for inclusion of a new category in the DSM which identifies obsessive behavior, thinking, and affect concerning body image – “Obsessive Body/Muscle Syndrome”.  This category may better represent this population who has a less severe form of Muscle Dysmorphia yet one that is consuming and maladaptive.

The study also found that approximately 70% of participants engaged in regularly exercise with 35% indicating physical appearance and 30% indicating gaining muscle as the primary reason for exercise.  With respect to self-reported body type, 20% identified an average body type while 40% identified their body type as somewhat muscular or muscular.  Perceived self versus ideal self is often incongruent.  In terms of ideal body type, an athletic/symmetrical build was desired by 48% of the sample with 28% choosing a built/muscular physique.  Consistent with past research, there is recognition that we are often are own worst critic.  When asked to rate one’s body on a scale of 1-10 versus how others would rate you, the average self-rating (6) was one point lower than perception of others rating (7).

The findings, listed in the following table, are based on responses to a questionnaire designed for the study.  The assessment included a 7 point Likert scale with respondents indicating level of agreement with statements.

Ø The male body displayed in the media has had an influence on my body image. 
Agree                        68%

Ø Peers and family have had an influence on my body image 
Agree                        64%

Ø My physical appearance is a very important part of my overall self-concept
Agree                        71%

Ø Overall, I am pleased with my body when I look in the mirror
Agree                        41%

Ø There are parts of my body I would like to change
Agree                        86%

Ø I am currently working to change my body  
Agree                        76%

Ø Comfortable in situations when body is exposed (i.e., shirtless)
Agree                        76%

Ø I frequently think about my body throughout the day
Agree                        53%

Ø Exercise and nutrition interferes with social activities, school or work
Agree                        36%

Ø I am obsessed and preoccupied with improving my body
Agree                        40%

Ø My physique is a very important part of my self-image
Agree                        60%

As shown above, a significant percentage of men see their physique as an important part of their self-concept and self-image. More than half indicated some level of body dissatisfaction and 86% identified a desire to change parts of their body. Given this, over 75% of the subjects were working to change their body.  It is suggested that body image becomes problematic when it becomes obsessive and maladaptive.  Such an obsession and preoccupation was evident in 40% of the sample while 36% agreed that exercise and nutrition interferes with their life on a daily basis.  This suggests that body image concerns are evident in over one-third of the sample. 

The findings of this study are consistent with other research, although limited, that body image concerns are evident and problematic among men.  This study suggest that it is even more salient among college men with over 50% reporting some level of body dissatisfaction – a higher rate than reported in prior research.  Given the prevalence of the problem, what can be done to address this issue on colleges and universities?  It begins with an understanding and recognition of the problem by men and women alike as well as professionals in higher education.  With such awareness, programming can be implemented to promote body positivity and wellness.  My colleagues and I espouse the motto, “Feel good, look good, do good”.  First and foremost, exercise and healthy living is a good thing. The desire to look good and be healthy is positive.  We all should aspire to look and feel our best and embrace and showcase our assets – including our physical strengths. Positive body image negates an obsession for an unrealistic ideal and subsequent maladaptive, irrational behavior and cognition.  College campuses need to implement programming that promotes a Positive Body Image.

Positive body image is a clear, true perception of your shape--you see the various parts of your body as they really are.  You celebrate and appreciate your natural body shape and you understand that a person’s physical appearance says very little about their character and value as a person.  You feel proud and accepting of your unique body and refuse to spend an unreasonable amount of time worrying about food, weight, and calories.  You feel comfortable and confident in your body.  You engage in physical fitness and healthy eating to maximize health, wellness and your physique.

It begins with educating students and staff on a healthy approach to exercise and nutrition.  Student organizations, campus offices, residence life can develop and implement educational programming and practical activities geared to promoting wellness and body positivity.  Ultimately, emphasizing and ideally facilitating the link between healthy activities and mental health.  Body positivity correlates with higher levels of self-esteem.

Programming options are numerous and should be tailored to your constituency and campus.  While activities can appeal to both genders, some programming may need to be targeted to men.  On a macro level, broad awareness campaigns can be implemented and include: guest speakers, workshops and wellness campaigns – “health and wellness month/week” with rewards and incentives.  Community service project promoting wellness on campus and/or off campus with young males may be a viable option.  However, real change may be more evident on the micro level – focusing on individuals.  Change at the micro level has the potential to affect change at the macro level.  Identify and obtain “buy in” from specific individuals in your organization (models).  These individuals become an agent for change and can potentially impact and influence peers.  This can occur on a formal level (peer education model) or informally through daily interactions.  When appropriate, target individuals identified as demonstrating maladaptive behavior and thinking and include them in an activity.  The activity could include a presentation and subsequent discussion by a student leader in a small group format or simply through a one on one conversation.  While there is no absolute answer to dealing with the issue of body image, intervention on both the macro and micro level is needed. 

It begins with recognizing and understanding the context and extent of the issue.  It is only then that campuses can take a proactive stance in addressing body image concerns among college men.  It is not just a woman’s issue.  Men have body image problems too.  Be healthy, be happy.  Promoting body positivity may accomplish this.  Then, the mirror no longer becomes a detriment but is simply a reflection of who you are.  Bottom line; make the most of that person in the mirror in all aspects of life.