Reframing Leadership Consulting
Specializing in Leadership Development
  • Home
  • About
    • Conceptual Framework
    • Gallery
  • Meet Our Team
    • Testimonials
  • Prior Speaking Engagements
  • Accessible Leadership Blog
  • Video Clips
  • Contact Us

BRO SHERPA: GUIDING (MALE) STUDENTS THROUGH COLLEGE

10/9/2014

0 Comments

 
Picture
“What’s up bro?” may not be one of the most seemingly professional things for a hall director to be saying to his male staff members or residents. However, this is typically how I open conversations with many of the male students I work with.Though it may seem like a symptom of hyper-masculine, collegiate socialization, it is in fact, an intentional use of language on my part. This intentional use of language coupled with my overall demeanor around students, particularly males, often times allows me an entrance into student’s lives that only their peers may have the privilege to enter. I call this the “inside-out” approach to student development.

Inside-Out

Being a young, male, professional in student affairs I have very recent experience with navigating the demands of college and all the scrutiny and expectation that comes with being a “real man” in a hyper-masculine setting such as college. Young college men are under the proverbial microscope in nearly every group or interaction they are a part of. Many of the social expectations of masculinity in college (and often society as a whole) typically result in a slew of self-destructive activities.A seemingly “real man” in college is a hypersexual, alcoholic who establishes him dominance by unapologetically proving his competence in both of these areas. These social expectations are then juxtaposed with the academic experience they are having which, as enlightening as it may be, is alienating them from the college community at-large and ultimately the stereotype of the “college guy” becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The “inside-out” approach relies on the belief that we, as student affairs professionals, must meet students where they are at developmentally if we hope to make any headway on challenging and changing cultures. Then how do we do it? Here is a step-by-step breakdown of inside-out:

1-      Own your personal experiences: College is a time of turbulent transition for most students. They are being ripped away from all that they have ever known and are thrust into a new life where they have to essentially start over. That’s not easy. Many times students just want to make friends, that’s why they are going out to parties and overdrinking or engaging in other reckless behaviors.When a student feels as though they have made a mistake from the night before based on a poor decision they made, I want them to feel comfortable coming to me to figure it out. I know that when I was in undergrad I wouldn’t have conversations about my personal life with some guy I didn’t know, so we must make the effort to connect with students and sometimes the only truly effective way to do so is by self-disclosing. Everyone has different comfort levels with self-disclosure, which is fine, however I believe that any relationship involving trust requires some level of self-disclosure. This means that you as a professional must be comfortable, at some level, discussing the experiences, good and bad you had as a student. I don’t mean you necessarily have to tell the story about how you could do a keg stand longer than anyone else, but you do need to empathize in some capacity with students to form that connection.

2-      Be real: Stuff happens. In life. In college. Things happen and we make mistakes. Building off of our personal experiences as mentioned above, we have to enter conversations with students without judgment. You may disagree with the decision a student has made but that disagreement won’t change the feelings they are feeling. Holding onto that disdain is more time and energy spent not being spent on serving the student to the best of your ability. Unless the concern involves a police report I don’t typically harp on how the student got themselves into a situation, I tend to focus on how we can move forward with where we are at the moment. Right here, right now.

3-      Make the time: We are all busy in student affairs. If we’re grad students we have class, an assistantship, and meetings. As a professional there’s committees, boards, task forces etc. That’s not taking into account all of our personal activities and obligations as well. Often times we find ourselves overextended and overcommitted. Unfortunately, our lack of time doesn’t make our students issues go away. A lot of people in the field tell students who procrastinate “Your failure to plan does not constitute an emergency on my part.” Well, our packed schedule is no excuse to drown out the concerns of the people we literally work for: students. Most of the time we need to initiate conversations with students and to do this we need to have developed a connection with them, both of which require our precious time. I believe that weekly or bi-weekly check-ins of 15 to 20 minutes with students is enough to gauge what is happening in their lives and to ultimately avoid a major crisis which would result in the use of even more of our time. The time invested in our students initially will pay dividends in the future when we know exactly when to step in.

4-      Challenge is a privilege: If you have followed the aforementioned steps to this point you may have earned the right to challenge your students. But it’s imperative to understand that without earning this right challenges are high risk and low reward. No one wants to be told they are wrong by someone they barely know. People are naturally more responsive to the feedback of people who genuinely care for them; you need to become one of those people for this to work. You don’t need to become their best pal, but they need to trust and respect you before you start challenging them otherwise they may clam up and never come out again.

Just One of the Guys

My style in interacting with students as a residence hall director is to try and become their friend.Many people are critical of this idea and think it doesn’t work, but in my time working with students it’s seemed to have worked quite well. Just recently here at SUNY Plattsburgh it was move-in day. Yay! The most stressful day of the year for residence life professionals, but hey, we made it! The building I supervise is very diverse in terms of student standing. We have first-year students, transfers, international students, sophomores, juniors, seniors; the whole shebang. With this dynamic comes positives and negatives of course, and one of the negatives is having primarily older students who are already engaged in our community, then reconciling that with the first-year students we have who are yet to find their niche.

During move-in day I like to make myself very visible and accessible to students. Later in the day when we were winding down check-in for students, one of our residents, a first-year student, came to me and asked if we could talk. I pulled him aside to my office and asked what was up. He went into his concerns about meeting people and said he was invited to a party but didn’t really want to go, and he wanted to know my feedback. I told him to give college a shot. It was only about four hours into his experience and I told him I would help him meet people outside of parties as well, a sentiment he truly seemed to appreciate. We went on to discuss why he chose Plattsburgh, and he said I was his tour guide for his campus tour and I made Plattsburgh sound fun and different from other schools! Unfortunately, I had forgotten him but he remembered me putting the extra effort into a brief hour long tour of campus. That is something I won’t soon forget! Now, the student and I meet regularly and talk about any concerns he has about the anxieties of college, particularly being a man in college and what that means to him. Now he and his friends call me “just one of the guys.”

The Little Things

I always do my best to live in the moment and enjoy the little things. The conversations I have with students happen so often that to me they have to seem little. I have maybe 300-500 conversations, big or small with student per week. But, I have to always reframe the conversation to what they are experiencing. Maybe my 200th conversation of the week with a student is their first ever with a campus professional. Maintaining this perspective has helped me to stay focused and excited in interacting with residents, because although I may have done many of these things before, many of them are figuring all of this out for the first time. I am honored that I have the opportunity to help them become the people they want to become simply by having conversations with them and genuinely caring for them. That’s what makes this a career and not a job.


0 Comments

SOCIAL MEDIA: WHAT STUDENT AFFAIRS PROFESSIONALS ARE MISSING BY NOT CONNECTING

10/9/2014

0 Comments

 
Picture
“Do you add your students on social media?” This is the beginning of a conversation that typically leads to me wanting to pull my hair out. Often student affairs pros answer this question with one of the following, “Absolutely not,” “Only after they graduate,” or “occasionally but only if I have a closer personal relationship with the student.” When I go on to ask why they choose to not connect with students, the most common response is that it isunprofessional and blurs the line between a professional and personal relationship potentially making for awkward/inappropriate situations. While this explanation may have held water in the early 2000’s at the advent of contemporary social media, it is floundering today. We live in an age where it is nearly impossible to find someone who isn’t connected to some social media at some capacity. So, if we aren’t connecting to our students who are so deeply invested in the social media culture then, what are we missing?

Community Engagement

As a residence life professional, community development is one of my favorite conversations. I always run across other pros who ask me why my RA staff is so invested in their work, or why our attendance at events and programs is so high. I always tell them it is because I invest a significant amount of my time into developing a strong community with my staff and with my building as a whole. Part of this is connecting with students at their level on social media. When I was an RA I would read through my roster of residents and add all of them on Facebook and Twitter before the Fall semester started. This allowed me to get a feel for the individual resident’s likes, dislikes, motivations and social attitudes. I was then able to tailor my programs, conversations and other initiatives to individuals, which ultimately led to a happy floor, which then led to an opportunity to develop a strong floor community.

Other than passively utilizing social media to gauge individual dynamics to later influence floor/building dynamics, I actively engage residents as well. It only stands to reason that we, as student affairs professionals, would meet the students at the venue where they are most active. Examples of this active engagement are things like congratulating students who post things about a success they just had (i.e. getting an “A” on a paper, joining an honor society, etc.) wishing individual students a happy birthday (often times Facebook will remind us,) and just purely being social by posting appropriate things to individual students accounts or for the community at-large to see. When I was an RA on the top floor of a high-rise building for three years I started a Twitter hashtag to promote floor pride. So, any time someone on our floor (or off it for that matter) did something they were proud of or wanted to give praise to the floor as a whole or another member of the community they would hashtag #PSUPenthouse. These little things are things that have always been particularly successful in the facilitation of a strong floor and building community, but community development isn’t the only thing to utilize social media for.Students wear their hearts on their social media pages and oft give us prompts for much needed conversations.

Life, Love and Loneliness

Let’s face it; many of our students (and potentially co-workers) share just about everything on social media. From the inconsequential what they ate that morning and how the Dunkin’ Donuts employee messed up their order, to the potentially life altering break-ups or family issues happening around them. Of course it can be frustrating sorting through the minutiae of the over-sharing student’s life,however it can be extremely powerful when we catch the few things they want someone to catch.

Social media gives us the opportunity to share the happiness of success with students, appreciate the positive relationships they are engaged in, but it also allows us to act as a safety net for when things aren’t going so well. When a student goes through a rough break up and they change their relationship status on Facebook that is the perfect opportunity for us as professionals to check-in with the student (assuming, of course, we have that kind of relationship.) If a student expresses exasperation about their home life (i.e. “I can’t stand being home!” “Get me out of this place!” etc.) that too is a great way to prompt a conversation about their wellbeing and to just make sure they are okay. The one situation we all hope to never have to come across is a student having suicidal ideations. However, if it is happening, we might as well be one of the first to know so we can assist the student as soon as possible. In the past I have had students post things like “It’s all too much right now, maybe I’ll just end it.” Of course, it was a bit awkward prompting the conversation based off of this post however, after I approached the student about it they confided in me about all the difficulties they had been having that I had missed in other interaction and we were able to refer them to the appropriate help. I absolutely believe connecting with students on social media can potentially save lives, and allow for other conversations about problematic behaviors.

Snapchats are Worth 1,000 Words

College is fun. I had a fantastic time socially as and undergrad, but I definitely did some really stupid stuff. As I was going through school, Facebook was big, Twitter was on the rise and Snapchat didn’t exist until the very end. So, the stupid stuff my friends and I were doing wasn’t being as readily documented as it is today. Then, people would post pictures a week after an event of even the next day. Now, students send pictures of all their activities almost immediately via Snapchat. If you are friends with your students on Snapchat this could lead to potentially awkward situations but it could also lead to potentially lifesaving or, at the least, very powerful conversations.

I always say “Students are going to do what they want regardless. The question is whether or not they tell you about it.” What I mean by that is, students will find ways around the rules and policies, they always do. However, when a student is having a serious issue with drinking, drugs, or sexual encounters hopefully they can talk to us about them. Typically they won’t start the conversation themselves even if they are having an issue so, it is our responsibility to initiate the conversation they may need. For instance, I had one resident who would always post pictures of themselves drinking large quantities of alcohol (underage,) doing drugs and suggesting they were participating in frequent unprotected sex. Thanks to social media (particularly Snapchat) I was able to have several conversations with the student about these behaviors and as it turns out, they wanted someone to talk with them about these issues because they were merely a symptom of a larger mental health concern. Yes, we can be put in uncomfortable situations by using social media with our students however, once we get over that discomfort I believe it can help us do our jobs better.

To Instagram and Beyond

As student affairs professionals,connection is key. It is what we preach, advocate and train for. But how can we fully connect with today’s generation of students without meeting them at their level where the most communication and interaction happens in their day-to-day lives? Once we get over the fear of being seen as unprofessional or inappropriate, I believe the student affairs community will benefit greatly from students and professionals interacting on a daily basis and on a more personal level. My challenge to other student affairs pros is this: if you don’t have anything to hide, go and follow or friend your students. This will ultimately lead to a more complete experience with your student staffs, students and co-workers. Now go out there and take a selfie with some students!


0 Comments

TECH GENERATION: DON'T JUST "DEAL WITH IT"

10/9/2014

0 Comments

 
Recently, I have had many conversations with others in our Student Affairs division here at Plattsburgh, about how sad it is that this newest generation of students has essentially always been connected to technology and social media. People complain about the evident decline in social competence for this newest batch of first-year students, which is immediately attributed to their addiction to screens. Computer, phone, and television screens that is. We blame the parents; we blame the students, but what about us? Are we just helpless observers in the seeming destruction of interpersonal connection as we know it? Or are we potential agents of change, to use a student affairs buzz phrase. Of course, I believe we are the latter or else I wouldn’t be writing this article. From my perspective, here’s how we can do it:

  1. Get Acquainted with the “Problems”: At this point, it seems safe to make the assumption that technology, and all things associated with it, is here to stay. Avoiding technological updates (i.e. using smartphones, social media, other digital media, etc.) won’t make the problem disappear. When we have problematic students or groups on our campuses we (hopefully) don’t ignore them and hope they go away. Instead we start asking questions and give ourselves every opportunity to positively affect change. The same should apply in this situation. If you aren’t quite tech or social media literate, feel free to ask colleagues or students questions. Not only can this help you better understand these platforms, it can also potentially aid your relationship with the students you asked. Students (like anyone) enjoy it when we take an interest in the things they do, or the things they are interested in. This is a win/win situation. Also, if you feel uncomfortable asking those around you, certainly utilize the amazing network established by the Student Affairs Collective!
  2. Upgrade: This isn’t always possible due to strapping financial situations, however if at all possible; join the next generation with the newest smartphone, tablet, iPad, or laptop. A friend of mine in the tech industry once told me, “These days technology advances exponentially, we can’t even imagine what’s coming next.” Don’t get left farther behind than you already are.
  3. Connect: Today, social media is such a pervasive part of our society it is nearly impossible for us to avoid being a part of it. I have written an article extolling the virtues of social media and all the good it can do for our relationships with students, but for the purposes of this article, my challenge is that if you haven’t already, checkout some apps that are hot on campuses these days. Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are the barebones of social media competency. To truly understand what’s happening on our campuses I believe we need to dig deeper and look at apps such as Snapchat, Yik Yak, Kik, Vine, Tinder, etc. I’m not saying you need to necessarily actively participate in all of these apps or social media venues, however, I do believe developing a comprehensive understanding of these apps will help you understand how students are connecting/interacting today.
These are a few concrete steps that we can all take to catch up to the newest generation of college students in the realm of technology and social media. I believe as responsible leaders it is our task to understand current student culture and to actively engage that culture. We have the opportunity to stop being complacent and to make strides towards modeling effective interpersonal relationships. However, if we keep turning a blind-eye to the culture of students today, and relegating ourselves to a place of ignorance, we don’t stand a chance in this exponentially growing field. With that said, go download the new iOS update, update your Instagram, and checkout the app store!

0 Comments

WHY CHALLENGING CAN BE CHALLENGING

6/24/2014

0 Comments

 
Why Challenging Can Be Challenging

By Jake R. Goldblum B.A. and Todd Wysocki PhD.

As leaders, we are often posed with difficult decisions and circumstances; who to hire or fire, how to develop a positive work/team culture, when to take some time for ourselves, etc. However, one of the most challenging things, at times, can be challenging our co-workers, staff members or teammates. Seemingly simple enough, however, challenging takes timing, tact, and most importantly privilege. As leaders, we need to recognize when and how to effectively challenge as well as earn the right to challenge those around us. Challenging without the privilege can have negative consequences and put us in a worse situation. So, what can we do to ensure our challenges are as effective as possible?

  1. Do it at an appropriate time and in an appropriate setting. If staff members are using dysfunctional language or aren’t holding up their end of a bargain on a project, don’t “make an example of them” and “call them out” at a staff meeting. This may deter other staff members from the same behaviors in the short term, but in the long run you now have to worry about a staff that fears rather than respects you. Furthermore, a staff member may feel degraded, insulted, and humiliated. The “tough love approach” can be effective in some instances, but ultimately people in general want to be respected and feel respected.
  2. Be careful of the tone and language you use when confronting the situation. It’s fairly common, as leaders, to get frustrated in our roles. People don’t always do what we ask, or follow through or maybe even hurt the team dynamic. However, when confronting these typically frustrating situations, you may want to remember to take some deep breathes and keep your cool. Often times, people aren’t being difficult intentionally. Would you want to be screamed at or belittled because you’re a little behind on some work due to personal issues? Of course not. So, when these conversations arise, ask questions about unmet obligations or other extenuating circumstances. Ask what you can do to help the individual. And most of all, keep a respectful tone and language. We all want to grow but such growth often comes with the help of a caring supervisor or teammate.
  3. Finally, earn the right to have these conversations in the first place. Simply being a supervisor or a teammate doesn’t give you the right to challenge them. People’s first response to criticism, even in some of the healthiest of environments, is often defensive. Nobody likes to hear what they are doing wrong. So, how do you earn the right? Simple. Develop a strong relationship with the people you work with, at least in a working sense. You’re not going to be, nor should you be, everyone’s best friend. However, the stronger the relationships you have with the people you interact with, the more opportunities you have to make an impact when challenging them. If a stranger or an acquaintance of yours came to you and criticized the way you were going about your job, you would most likely shutdown and become defensive. We are more likely to be concerned about disappointing people who we respect and value.
Challenging people doesn’t have to result in awkward relationships. It can, and should be, an opportunity for growth. The key is to make sure you have all the right ingredients for an effective challenge before you make any rash decisions. It can be frustrating and difficult to bite your tongue at the moment. However, in the long run, you may be saving yourself from issues that may arise in the future. In doing so, you are fostering a culture of respect and honesty rooted in caring. Growth and change occurs in the context of a respectful relationship. With mutual respect, challenging others becomes less of a challenge and more of a dynamic, evolving relationship – one which enables understanding and positive change.  



0 Comments

"CARING: IT'S NOT ABOUT WHAT'S CONVENIENT"

6/24/2014

0 Comments

 
Caring transcends convenience.

By Todd M. Wysocki, Ph.D. & Jake R. Goldblum, B.A.

Showing another that you care ultimately is not about you, it’s about the other person.  Caring is not about what’s convenient for you; it’s about being present in the moment – present when the need is real and when evident in the future. While caring is a quality envious of all regardless of role, it is invaluable to the ideology of leaders and mentors.  Effective leaders care about the organization, the cause and the members.  Effective mentors care about their mentees. In doing so, they make themselves accessible to others.

Accessible leadership and mentorship is based on three principles – connect, care and change.  Leaders and mentors become accessible when they connect with others, demonstrate caring, and influence change in others.  While separate qualities, they are in essence interdependent.  While all three qualities are important and necessary, the core of accessibility is built on the idea of being present and genuinely caring about the welfare and future of others. 

The term caring is one that is thrown around frequently. It is a simple yet powerful idea.  However, what is caring?  How do you show you care?  Caring can be defined as “feeling and exhibiting concern and empathy for others.”  Saying I care is easy but showing it is a completely different story.  A prerequisite is an understanding of the power of genuine concern.  Never underestimate how your interest and concern can have a significant impact on others.  Of course, perception is important.  Actions speak louder than words.  Through actions, others then recognize your concern. This completes the cycle.

There is no magic formula here, but it is not complicated either. You may be reading this thinking “easier said than done”.  While there is some truth to this since it is contingent upon your actions and subsequent recognition by the target of your concern, it is actually pretty straightforward. We care when we are compassionate, genuine, empathetic and non judgmental.  These ideas are fundamental to most definitions and honestly make sense.  However, caring transcends these ideas because there is no schedule in showing that you care.  Caring is “being present”.  Being present even when it is not convenient, not a good time, and not congruent with your schedule.   

It’s about taking time for others, making time, going the extra mile, being active in your interactions, actively engaging, and reaching out.  These simple ideas can be applied across settings.  In higher education, it can take many forms: staying after class to talk, replying quickly and thoughtfully to emails and messages, meeting beyond office hours, walking together in between classes, extending an invitation to talk, or actually arrange a time to meet.  Sometimes it is the unexpected that is most salient.  Randomly and without provocation reaching out to someone to touch base, offer support, or just to let them know you are there if needed. Regardless of the setting and context, simple words of encouragement can have a real impact.  Your words become actions, and actions are undeniable. Others then see you do actually care.

You become more than just the leader, the mentor, the teacher, the administrator – you become real, a real person who also cares and is genuinely compassionate.  Simple yes, cliché maybe, but powerful – without question. 

Knowing someone genuinely cares about you and your welfare is indeed powerful.  When we are present and real, that level of concern becomes evident. And yes, that can make a difference.

0 Comments

WE CAN'T REFILL ON TIME

6/21/2014

0 Comments

 
We Can’t Refill on Time

By Jake R. Goldblum B.A. & Todd Wysocki Ph.D

Whether it be an intimate relationship, a friendship, a mentorship or just an acquaintanceship; the people in our lives help us get through things we couldn’t alone and make the good times even better. It is these people who are there for us during the good and the bad. At some point, many of us have gone through a difficult situation, and a friend was there to get us through it, staying with us, commiserating and listening. On the flip side, some of our very best memories come from the time spent with a significant other, traveling together or just hanging out talking or watching TV shows. Mentors, (i.e., teachers, professors, supervisors, friends, siblings, etc.) are there for us unconditionally and often act much akin to friends, yet they typically offer slightly more objective and experience based advice. Then, there are our acquaintances. These are the people we see every day. We say “hi” to them or simply give a knowing nod. However, these people seem to be everywhere we are. Although maybe at times a little disconcerting, there can be comfort in seeing other people living out their lives around us much like we are.

 No matter who, people can make life better for us, often times without even realizing it. Remember we too are the lover, the friend, the mentor, and the random person that seems to just pop up everywhere! This can be seemingly overwhelming at times, but ultimately I believe these relationships are what give life meaning. All the achievements and accolades mean nothing if we have to celebrate them alone. I know I do my best to thank the people in my life as often as possible, because I know how hard it can be to stick around for the good AND the bad. So, let’s make life easier on us all and let’s start appreciating these relationships in the moment, but give yourself a pat on the back too. You probably have no idea the impact you’ve had on the lives of others. Keep that in mind the next time you think about ignoring the phone call or text message, getting upset about your partner’s movie choice, or yelling at the worker at Dunkin’ Donuts because it is taking too long. Life is cool, let’s enjoy it together.

0 Comments

IT'S THE PERSON NOT THE POSITION THAT MATTERS

2/24/2014

1 Comment

 
By Todd M. Wysocki, Ph.D.

You earn the respect of others when you give others the respect they deserve. Mutual respect, regardless of your position, opens the door to meaningful connections.  When we adhere to roles inherent to our position, relationships cannot transcend traditional boundaries and limits the potential to be a real and positive influence in the life of another. It is not the title or job we hold, but rather it is who we are and how we treat others that define our character and our approach to working with others. When we invite others to engage in an authentic manner, we build relationship and become accessible to others. Having an open door policy is a necessary requisite; however, the invitation to connect only seems plausible when the person behind the door is seen as open and approachable.  It is this ability to connect with others that is one of the key components of accessibility leadership and mentorship.

During my tenure in higher education, I have had the opportunity to interact with thousands of students. My job as a professor is to impart knowledge and facilitate learning; yet it is what I have learned from my students that has shaped my work and my ideologies.  Sometimes the most powerful ideas are the simple ones directly in front of us.  We just need to open our eyes and open ourselves up to seeing the potential within ourselves and others. And, most importantly, realize and embrace the importance of developing real and meaningful relationships.  The basic tenet of any relationship is built on mutual respect.  We connect with others when we are real, respectful, open, genuine and approachable – qualities necessary for accessibility.  These qualities are essential to be an effective leader, teacher or mentor.  Having held each of these roles in various capacities, experience has taught me that it is the person and not the position that has influence.  While the position may provide opportunities to interact with others, it is the individual who seizes the chance to connect and be a person of influence.

The position and title one has, while fundamental to structure and function, often can be a detriment in relationships. We, as educators or leaders, can easily get caught up in our title and assign unnecessary importance to the position.  When doing so, we often hide behind the title which in turn becomes a barrier rather than means of working towards a partnership.  The teacher commanding the classroom without disruption or interaction, the leader imparting orders without input and collaboration, the mentor providing guidance and advice without knowing the person or the issue.  These scenarios, unfortunately, are all too often the norm rather than the exception.

I have too often witnessed colleagues talking to college students as if they were talking to a child – in a condescending tone and an authoritarian manner. When we treat others as children, they are more likely to respond and act in childish ways.  When we treat others as partners in the process and show them genuineness, they respond in kind. Then, the connection becomes real and without boundaries. We can only become a person of influence when we break down the wall and barrier a title or position can bring. We become a person of influence when we see our work as a collaboration and a partnership; and value and respect others regardless of roles. Give respect, value the person, expect the best, and demand more.  You may be pleasantly surprised by the response.

As a mentor to emergent student leaders and professionals in higher education over the years, I have been a conduit of feedback to others. My advice is simple. Be respectful, value the person, strive to connect, be yourself and be present in the moment. When we do this, others will willingly walk through the door.  Who knows – your student or mentee may someday become a person of influence for others.


1 Comment

LIFE'S NOT ABOUT WHAT'S BETTER THAN

2/9/2014

0 Comments

 
By Jake R. Goldblum

I like to say “Life is pretty cool,” a lot. Sometimes people ask me what I mean by that, but mostly they just ignore it like most things I say (rightfully so in most cases I suppose.) So, what do I mean when I say this expression? I don’t randomly throw the saying around at will. Most of the time I say it when I’m feeling really good about something in my life (that happens a lot because I’m a very fortunate person thanks to those around me.) I guess this phrase is my equivalent to “Life is good.”

What’s so “cool” about my life though? On one hand, I don’t come from an affluent background. I’m not the biggest, tallest, or most attractive guy in town; and life hasn’t always been the easiest. On the other hand, I have the opportunity to go to an amazing university where I am around thousands of highly intellectual people. I have the opportunity to work with hundreds of students on a daily basis, where I have the opportunity to help them become more effective people. I have the opportunity to have amazing friends and relationships with people who have made me a better person.

On a less deep note, I have the opportunity to exercise daily and do yoga (which is really tough by the way.) I have the opportunity to listen to artists like John Butler, O.A.R. and Katy Perry (yes that Katy Perry.) I have the opportunity to go to my fraternity house and hangout until four in the morning. I have that same opportunity in the staff office of my residence hall (which happens quite frequently.) I have the opportunity to laugh and cry with friends who are graduating. I also have the opportunity to graduate myself and reminisce with friends about great times we’ve had together. I have the opportunity to make people smile. I have the opportunity to call several friends/mentors and tell them I love them. I have the opportunity to call a father, grandmother and grandfather and tell them I love them.

I have had the opportunity to be a student, teacher, brother, son, mentor, mentee, friend, lover, leader, exercise buff, music fiend, night owl, morning hater, dancer, reader, author, experimenter, test subject, advisor, advisee, and so so much more. I have had many opportunities and have taken advantage of them all. I feel as though I have been pretty lucky, and that my life really has been pretty cool. Maybe we should stop and sit back sometimes and realize how lucky we really are. Maybe we should start living our lives in the moment and actively engaged with the world around us. Maybe we should start living for the four AM conversations, because hey, who knows maybe those will make someone else’s life pretty cool.

0 Comments

MAKING CHANGE WITH ACCESSIBLE LEADERSHIP

1/19/2014

1 Comment

 
By Jake R. Goldblum and Todd Wysocki Ph.D.

Accessible Leadership is contingent upon the belief that powerful interpersonal connections are ultimately the impetus for social change. It is absolutely necessary to secure what we call “buy-in” from those whose beliefs you are intending to help shift. This means others have accepted and internalized the core ideas being targeted as well as the authenticity of the relationship. Creating buy-in occurs after the three C’s have been appropriately utilized. Once an individual or group understands you genuinely care and you have established a meaningful connection, it is much more likely that they will change in an effort to emulate the behaviors you are, hopefully, positively exhibiting.

Once we have developed strong relationships with the target individuals/group, we are then able to recruit them to assist us in our efforts to facilitate positive shifts in dysfunctional belief systems amongst their peers. They, in turn, become the agents of change and exert influence on others. If we have followed the tenets of Accessible Leadership, it is more likely others will incorporate the target message into their own belief systems willingly, albeit with our assistance. This step is important because we can only hope to develop these very strong connections with a select few. Yet, these individuals (the select few) become conduits, conveying the message to others through interactions with their peers. By tapping into a network of existing relationships, their influence is likely more potent than that of an outsider. They become the most qualified candidates to convey the message. This begins a cycle of influence.

Once we have established a network of Accessible Leaders, it is important to believe in their efficacy. Nothing belittles an emerging leader more than micromanagement. It is necessary for us to act as process observers rather than facilitators at this point, offering assistance only when it is requested or it is absolutely apparent they need our help. The most effective leaders enable those around them to understand their abilities and competencies as agents of change. This can be readily accomplished by assuming a mentoring role – one that is authentic, genuine, influential and accessible.

It seems laughably simple but we, as proponents of Accessible Leadership, believe in the immense power of influence every individual has within him/herself. We also believe it is our responsibility to help these potential leaders express this power, but congruence is absolutely necessary when doing so. It is easy to get lost in the title of “leader” or “mentor,” which erodes authenticity in a relationship. To combat this, boundaries often inherent in roles need to be broken down through bi-directional interaction and collaboration. Moving forward, although seemingly counterintuitive, requires taking a step back and seizing opportunities to reflect on what is important to you and your interactions with those you influence. Leadership should be fun and accessible; we have the amazing opportunity to make the world a better place one unique individual at a time. 


1 Comment

WHAT MAKES A GREAT LEADER?

1/5/2014

0 Comments

 
By Jake Goldblum & Todd Wysocki, PhD

“What makes a great leader?” This is a question that really has no definitive answer, but it still perplexes people. Many explanations scare people away from the concept of leadership. It is often depicted as this heady, esoteric trait that is only mastered (and practiced) by a few experienced individuals in a given organization. We wholeheartedly disagree with the idea that leadership is achieved by a select few with others mindlessly following the anointed leader. In an attempt to enable people to bear witness to and appreciate their own abilities as a leader and mentor, we offer the idea of “Accessible Leadership.”

Accessible Leadership is the idea that everyone has the inherent ability to be a leader and simply need to tap into the necessary skills within us in order to realize this potential. Heavily influenced by the concepts developed by Carl Rogers, the great humanistic psychologist, Accessible Leadership believes in the power and influence of individuals and the relationships they form with others. Practitioners of the Accessible Leadership model exhibit the three “C’s” in their relationships – they connect, care and change.

The first C, connect is all about making the initial effort to facilitate the development of a relationship. Though it may seem simple, this step is often overlooked. Having an open door policy is a necessary first step; however, it alone is not sufficient.  We need to invite and encourage others to walk through the door. When we are real and approachable, others are more likely to accept our invitation and respond to overtures to connect and begin a relationship. Conversely, a mentor will seize opportunities to initiate dialogue and express an interest when others might be hesitant to engage. Connecting does not necessarily require lengthy conversations or ongoing, daily interactions. Small simple gestures of encouragement and feedback can be as potent and meaningful. It is common to have very casual relationships with people that you may see every day and say “Hello” to, but that’s the extent of your relationship. You probably can relate to instances when you were working with a team or a group and become close to a couple of the members but you only talk to the others as necessary. It’s natural to be nervous or afraid to be the one to reach out, because what if they reject us? What if they don’t want or need our help? I don’t believe we should let fear of a slightly awkward encounter keep us from potentially changing the lives of others and having our own lives changed for the better.  We can only be an agent of influence for others when we connect on a meaningful level.

The second C, care is all about the core of a relationship. All of the C’s should be enjoyable, but this one is particularly fun. Be yourself. People see through facades that we put up when we try to be a “leader.” If you are easy going and fun loving, then be easy going and fun loving in your relationships with others. Authenticity and genuineness is key. This means being fully present (a phrase borrowed from Rogers) with others. Unfortunately, conversations often miss the mark. Think of instances when you were having a conversation with a boss, co-worker, or even a friend about something fairly important, and they were more interested in social media on their phones.  In many situations, the conversation is all about the other person; it becomes more of a monologue than a conversation. Be fully present. Listen. Care about what the people in your life are doing. Help them do what they want to do. Encourage them and believe in their ability. Give honest feedback. If you’re having an off day, be honest; let the other person know that you can’t fully attend to them at the moment and that it is nothing personal, but you will certainly listen later. We care when we are present, attentive, and genuine in the interests of others.

The final C, change, can mean a lot of things – influencing change in others, change in kind or structure, or change within ourselves. The wonderful thing is that while it is so ambiguous, it is easy to see that change can occur, typically for good, when the first two C’s are realized. Who knows? A college professor could inspire a young person who has had a difficult past and very little confidence in his ability to pursue a doctoral degree, after thinking graduating from college was nearly impossible. Maybe your relationship with someone changed your outlook on the world and now you do things drastically different. Maybe you now see yourself differently and embrace this difference. Maybe your belief in someone enabled that person to see his/her potential and led to a life of work helping others that wouldn’t have happened otherwise. We do not choose what change is needed in others. Rather, we help others realize who they are and what they want to be. Change is good and should be embraced; we are all agents of change. We just need to choose how we express that.

Are leaders born or made? Leaders are made, not born, and made more by themselves than by external means.  Everyone, regardless of age or circumstance, has the ability to lead and mentor others.  This is because everyone is capable of self-transformation.  Human potential and ability is not carved in stone. It is developed and realized through experience and interactions.  The self-transformation to a person of influence is better achieved when we recognize the potential for growth in all of us – the leader and the leader in waiting. It is certainly within reach – it needs to be understood and cultivated.  Simply, good leaders are present and are accessible.

It is not the position but rather the person – being a person of influence.  The power of such influence becomes real and accessible when we, as leaders or mentors, connect with others, care about others and becomes agents of change.  This may not make us a “great” leader, but it certainly brings with it the real potential to impact others in a positive way.


0 Comments
Forward>>

    Authors

    "In an effort to engage, enlighten and empower leaders everywhere, Reframing Leadership Consulting offers perspective on many key issues. We do not hope, or claim to, solve these issues; however we hope to lend a new lens through which to view and assess these issues, in an effort to resolve them." 

    Archives

    January 2019
    April 2016
    November 2015
    October 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    April 2015
    January 2015
    October 2014
    June 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.